sht my dad says

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More Shit My Dad Says

Author : Justin Halpern
ISBN : 9781447248958
Genre : Humor
File Size : 34. 48 MB
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‘Human beings fear the unknown. So, whatever's freaking you out, grab it by the balls and say hello. Then it ain't the unknown anymore and it ain't scary. Or I guess it could be a sh*tload scarier’ Sam Halpern Soon after Sh*t My Dad Says began to take off, comic writer Justin Halpern decided to take the plunge and propose to his then girlfriend. But before doing so, he asked his dad's advice, which was very, very simple (and surprisingly clean): 'Just take a day to think about it.' This book is the story of that trip down memory lane, a toe-curlingly honest pilgrim’s progress of teenage relationships, sex and love by one of the funniest writers at work today. Sh*t people say about Justin Halpern: ‘Ridiculously hilarious’ Chelsea Handler ‘Shoot-beer-out-your-nose funny’ Maxim ‘Funny, silly, honest, lively and fresh’ Sunday Times

Shit My Dad Says

Author : Justin Halpern
ISBN : 0752227408
Genre : Adult children
File Size : 63. 90 MB
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'At 28 years old, I found myself living at home, with my 73-year-old father. As a child, my father never minced words, and when I screwed up, he had a way of cutting right through the bullshit and pointing out exactly why I was being an idiot. When I moved back in I was still, for the most part, an idiot. But this time, I was smart enough to write down all the things he said to me…' Meet Justin Halpern and his dad. Almost one million people follow Mr Halpern’s philosophical musings every day on Twitter, and in this book, his son weaves a brilliantly funny, touching coming-of-age memoir around the best of his sayings. What emerges is a chaotic, hilarious, true portrait of a father and son relationship from a major new comic voice. As Justin says at one point, his dad is ‘like Socrates, but angrier, and with worse hair’; and this is the sort of shit he says… ‘You know, sometimes it’s nice having you around. But now ain’t one of those times. Now gimmie the remote, we’re not watching this bullshit.’ ‘Happy Birthday, I didn’t get you a present… Oh, mom got you one? Well, that’s from me then, too – unless it’s shitty.’ ‘Your brother brought his baby over this morning. He told me it could stand. It couldn’t stand for shit. Just sat there. Big let down.’ ‘The worst thing you can be is a liar . . . Okay, fine, yes, the worst thing you can be is a Nazi, but THEN, number two is liar. Nazi 1, Liar 2.’ ‘Why the f**k would I want to live to 100? I’m 73 and shit’s starting to get boring. By the way, there’s no money left when I go, just fyi.’

Texts From Bennett

Author : Mac Lethal
ISBN : 9781476706887
Genre : Fiction
File Size : 25. 42 MB
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A family story for the twenty-first century, based on the phenomenally popular Texts from Bennett Tumblr blog, this epistolary novel chronicles the year that Bennett and the rest of his freeloading family moved into his cousin Mac's household. Hardworking Kansas City rapper Mac Lethal has a problem, and its name is Bennett. His wannabe gangsta cousin is seventeen, uses drugs and foul language, claims to be 13 percent black, and swears he speaks "da female language." (Strangely that last one sort of seems true.) But as different as they are, when Bennett and his mom lose their home, Mac’s got their backs. They’re family after all. Sure, it takes patience to live with the eternally smoked-out Bennett and the pill-popped Aunt Lily, but he can handle it. You know who can’t? Mac’s very pretty, very WASPy, very uptight girlfriend. So as his once-peaceful household gets completely crazy, Mac learns that wanna-be-Crips are thicker than water, that his little cousin—flawed, irreverent, and basically a Saturday morning cartoon gone horribly wrong—has become his mentor, and that he really has no idea what’s up with girls.

P S I Hate It Here

Author : Diane Falanga
ISBN : 9781613122358
Genre : Humor
File Size : 37. 3 MB
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For every parent who’s ever received a letter from a homesick child or anybody who’s ever written their parents with crazy requests from their bunk, P.S. I Hate It Here: Kids’ Letters From Camp will delight with hilarious and heartwarming real-life letters. In the bestselling tradition of nostalgic looks at classic rites of passage, such as Camp Camp and Bar Mitzvah Disco, P.S. I Hate It Here: Kids’ Letters from Camp captures a childhood experience shared by millions. This collection of real letters written by children ages eight to sixteen to their parents about their adventures at summer camp are laugh-out-loud funny and will have readers reminiscing about their own camp days. More than 150 letters cover all the imaginable scenarios of sleep away camp, from acing the cabin lice inspection, to rowing in the “ricotta” race, to breaking the bad news about a retainer lost in the wilderness. These letters reveal that kids are wittier and more sophisticated than we might assume, and that the experience of being away from home for the first time creates hilarious and lasting memories. Inspired by her daughter's "melodramatic rants" from camp, Diane Falanga collected 150 hilarious, poignant letters from kids 8-16 ... Read it and remember. - People Magazine Whether your kid is in camp or you cherish your own memories of s'mores and Color Wars, you'll get a kick out of P.S. I Hate It Here! , a book of real-life, laugh-out-loud letters from camp. - Redbook Magazine Kids just left for sleepaway camp? See how their letters from home measure up to the humorous missives in the new book "P.S. I Hate It Here: Kids' Letters From Camp" by Diane Falanga, a collection of more than 150 real letters. - Newsday 'P.S. I Hate It Here' compiles notes home from camp with love - a handsome, actually quite beautiful, little book. - Chicago Tribune Trust me when I tell you that not only will your kids get a kick out of the amazingly funny letters contained in this book, you and your friends will too. - Chicago Parent Magazine This collection of kids' actual letters home brings back all the hilarity and homesickness of sleepaway camp. Each image displays children's creative spelling, their pleading to be picked up or for permission to stay "just two more weeks." Parents and seasoned campers will enjoy reading this collection and laughing at (or commiserating with) these familiar dilemnas: "I hate it here! The letter before this about me starting to have fun was not true ..." - San Diego Family Magazine

Tweak

Author : Nic Sheff
ISBN : 9781439103333
Genre : Juvenile Nonfiction
File Size : 49. 65 MB
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Nic Sheff was drunk for the first time at age eleven. In the years that followed, he would regularly smoke pot, do cocaine and Ecstasy, and develop addictions to crystal meth and heroin. Even so, he felt like he would always be able to quit and put his life together whenever he needed to. It took a violent relapse one summer in California to convince him otherwise. In a voice that is raw and honest, Nic spares no detail in telling us the compelling, heartbreaking, and true story of his relapse and the road to recovery. As we watch Nic plunge the mental and physical depths of drug addiction, he paints a picture for us of a person at odds with his past, with his family, with his substances, and with himself. It's a harrowing portrait -- but not one without hope.

Awesome Sh T My Drill Sergeant Said

Author : Dan Caddy
ISBN : 9780062351975
Genre : Humor
File Size : 66. 39 MB
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The official tie-in book to the wildly popular Facebook page, featuring brand-new crazy, off-the-wall, outrageously funny, and downright “awesome” pearls of wisdom from real-life drill sergeants and instructors from all branches of the military. Sweat dries. Blood clots. Bones heal. Suck it up, buttercup. After his deployment in Afghanistan, Dan Caddy began swapping great drill sergeant stories by e-mail with other combat veterans—an exchange with friends that would grow into the dedicated Facebook page, “Awesome Sh*t My Drill Sergeant Said.” But what began as a comedic outlet has evolved into a robust online community and support network that conducts fundraisers for and donates to military charities, has helped veterans struggling with PTSD and other issues, and on numerous occasions, literally saved lives. Now, Caddy shares more great DS stories—most never before seen—in this humorous collection. Often profane, sometimes profound, yet always entertaining, these rants from real life soldiers are interspersed with lively sidebars, Top 10 lists, stories from fans, one-liners, and more. For anyone who has suffered a hard-ass manager (in uniform or not), Awesome Sh*t My Drill Sergeant Said will add a much needed dose of humor to the day.

I Am Sorry To Think I Have Raised A Timid Son

Author : Kent Russell
ISBN : 9780385352314
Genre : Literary Collections
File Size : 68. 51 MB
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From one of the most ferociously brilliant and distinctive young voices in literary nonfiction: a debut shot through with violence, comedy, and feverish intensity that takes us on an odyssey into an American netherworld, exposing a raw personal journey along the way. Locked in battle with both his adult appetites and his most private childhood demons, Kent Russell hungers for immersive experience and revelation, and his essays take us to society’s ragged edges, the junctures between savagery and civilization. He pitches a tent at an annual four-day music festival in Illinois, among the misunderstood, thick-as-thieves fans who self-identify as Juggalos. He treks to the end of the continent to visit a legendary hockey enforcer, the granddaddy of all tough guys, to see how he’s preparing for his last foe: obsolescence. He spends a long weekend getting drunk with a self-immunizer who is willing to prove he has conditioned his body to withstand the bites of the most venomous snakes. He insinuates himself with a modern-day Robinson Crusoe on a tiny atoll off the coast of Australia. He explores the Amish obsession with baseball, and his own obsession with horror, blood, and guts. And in the piercing interstitial meditations between these essays, Russell introduces us to his own raging and inimitable forebears. I Am Sorry to Think I Have Raised a Timid Son, blistering and deeply personal, records Russell’s quest to understand, through his journalistic subjects, his own appetites and urges, his persistent alienation, and, above all, his knotty, volatile, vital relationship with his father. In a narrative that can be read as both a magnificent act of literary mythmaking and a howl of filial despair, Russell gives us a haunting and unforgettable portrait of an America—and a paradigm of American malehood—we have never before seen.

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